Her Return, His Regret

Lora's eyes rounded at Ryan, her heart sinking to her feet.

"W-what do you mean by that?" She asked in a shaky voice. "Are you sick?"

Ryan gulped, a guilty look crossing his face as he answered, "Unfortunately, yes, I am. Before I knew you were alive, I was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome. It's a rare blood disorder- it's a disease that's eating away at my ability to produce healthy blood cells-" "Wait," Lora interrupted, her face turning pale. "Are you saying you've been sick all this while and you didn't think of telling me?"

"I..." Ryan trailed, not knowing what to say. "I didn't want to burden you with my problems, Lora. I honestly thought I was going to get cured. We had found a donor for the stem cells. I would have told you before doing the transplant but... I received a call from my doctor two days ago that the donor was missing."

##Flashback to two days ago.##

Ryan sat in the oncologist, Doctor Steve's office, feeling dejected after hearing the news of the missing donor.

"So, how long do I have? Is there really nothing else that can be done?" Ryan asked, his voice hoarse.

Doctor Steve sighed, looking at Ryan before answering, "Unfortunately, you had refused to start the treatment when we found this disease. It's too late now... at most, you have a few months to live if you're lucky. But that's just an estimation, you can die on any day without warning. Your MDS is high-risk and the only solution is an allogeneic stem cell transplant."

Ryan was quiet as he listened to the Doctor, but his heart was not with him. Why did things turn out like this? Just when he took his family back, he found out he couldn't be with them forever like he had promised.

If only he had started treatment when he was first diagnosed... however, at that time, he was filled with guilt and regret about Lora's supposed death that he thought his illness was a punishment for his failure to protect her.

When he found out she was alive, he informed his doctor to find a way to treat him and they quickly found a donor although it took some time to find a match.

"We only found one person who was your match. But with that person missing, there's little I can do to save you, Ryan," the doctor said.

Ryan's heart sank. He was dying... what explanation would he give to Lora now? That he had promised to grow old with her only to leave her after a few months?

Leaving the doctor's office, Ryan glanced at Lawrence and instructed, "We have to find the donor and find out why she's gone off the grid."

"Perhaps she had a change of mind," Lawrence replied. "We can't force her if she has second thoughts."

"I know," Ryan said and clenched his hands into fists. "I don't have enough time, so I need to find her and try to persuade her once more... my life is in her hands. I can't afford to leave my family."

That was how Ryan and Lawrence

spent the last two days searching for the donor. They traced her phones and went to the locations where she was last seen, however, no matter how much they searched or how much money they pumped into the search, they couldn't find

her.

It was like she had vanished from the face of the earth.

Ultimately, Ryan had to accept his fate and come clean to his wife. The only option he had was to spend his remaining time with his family as much as possible if Lora would let him. He feared she would hate him after finding out his secret.

##End of Flashback##

Ryan glanced into Lora's blurry eyes

and gave her a small humorless

smile as he said, "I thought I had it

under control... I thought all was in place would get treated and we

could finally grow old together. I

guess I was wrong."

I

He looked away to blink away his tears as he continued, "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to promise you a future, only to leave you and the kids all over again."

"Why?" Lora's teary voice reached Ryan's ears and he turned to look at her, his heart clenching with guilt.

"Why didn't you say anything? What made you think you could go through this alone? Have you told any of your family about your illness?" Lora questioned as tears rolled down her cheeks like a broken dam. "How could you do this to me? Did you think I would leave you if I knew you were sick?"

Ryan lowered his eyes, his stomach churning.

"No... you've got it wrong. I was confident there was no need to worry since everything was under control-"

"Why have you waited this long to get treated?" Lora asked. "You're a rich man who can afford to fly in donors and doctors, why did you wait until now? Unless..."

Her eyes widened when realisation hit her. "Don't tell me you put off your treatment because you actually wanted to die?"

When Ryan was silent, Lora's heart broke.

"Was it because you thought I was dead?" She quizzed. "Don't lie to me, Ryan. Enough of the lies and the secrets!"

Ryan gulped, his heart aching. He looked at Lora before reaching for her hands. He said, "Yes, I did think it was my punishment and decided to not do anything about it. But when I found out you were alive, I asked my doctor to help me out and that's how we found a donor. I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you... I was going to tell you before going for treatment but I can't be cured now."

Silence fell over them and Ryan added, "I'll understand if you don't want anything to do with me... you don't have to hit rock bottom with me."