The McCain Marriage Contract

"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked him. The sight of Raymond sickened me as much as it aroused me, a crazy medley of raw, erotic fire and unadulterated hate. This union of ours screwed with my head in so many ways and I cherished the moments when I didn't have to see or speak to him. Our honeymoon was almost over and I could brag that I had succeeded in vacationing in one of the most romantic places in the world and survived without any romance myself. Of course, it didn't help that the one time I left the suite to take a tour, I saw so many couples kissing and making out all over the damn place. Worse still, Raymond made it a point of duty to invite so many girls wearing skimpy, ropey bikinis to the suite we shared, every single day. From my room I heard their moans and giggles; I heard what sounded like endless and furious ass-spanking. And with every new set of girls that replaced the previous, I grew closer to asking to walk out of this hellish marriage. But the calls to and from my dad's hospital changed my mind.

And yet here was the same Raymond, yelling at me for reasons I could not make out. He just stormed into my room that morning, mouthing incoherent words. "What the fuck is your problem, Raymond?" I asked again. I couldn't fathom what he was on about. It didn't make sense that he was mad at me when we seldom crossed paths.

"I could ask you the exact same thing: what is your problem? Why can't you just walk away from this marriage and leave me the fuck alone!" He was fuming visibly, his breathing raspy and his voice hoarse.

I gave a short, bitter laugh. If only he knew. "You really think I want to be here? You think you're so great a catch that I have any interest in living a whole year as your wife?"

"So what's keeping you here, Vee-Jay? Why are you still here? Because you're obviously not doing me a favor, sticking with me. Leave already!"

"I would..." I started on impulse but I instantly realized that saying anything further would mess this entire arrangement up, so I had to pause and regroup. "I would but I prefer frustrating you. It's strangely satisfying."

He stamped his foot in anger. "I fucking hate you Vee-Jay. And, no, I don't buy that tale of you enjoying my frustration. Maybe you are, but you're frustrated yourself. You're simply trading one discomfort for another. So I need us to come to an understanding now: tell me what my dad has on you and we'll find a way to fix it. And don't give me that look... we both know there's something else at play here."

I folded my hand across my chest and stared at him defiantly.

"He's helping you wave off a criminal case?" he asked.

That sounded so strange to me. I had never even been stopped for jaywalking. I had no business with crime of any sort. "What?"

"I'm just spitballing here, trying to find out what's going on between the both of you."

"And what makes you think I'd tell you anything, that's if truly there was something to tell?" I asked.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm a big-time bullshit detector. Once I say the right thing, your looks would betray you."

This sounded like a fun game of catch and I was willing to play. "Okay, go."

"You're pregnant already and you don't want the baby, and he's trying to adopt it for me?" he asked.

I scoffed. "How ridiculous. You think I would ever keep any child of mine in your custody?"

"You're fishing for a place in the McCain finances?"

I hoped my body language did not betray me at this point, because he was somewhat close to the truth. "Do I look like someone who cares so much about money?"

He shook his head. "Then please make it make sense to me. I truly want to know."

He sounded genuinely concerned that I wanted to tell him everything in that instant. Keeping a secret this huge was so difficult and draining, and I wanted out of it all. But this was Raymond who had hurt me so much in the past and even presently. He was the wrongest person to confide in.

"The truth is that your dad needed my help," I lied. The lie must have sounded plausible because he looked at me with eager eyes, willing me to spill the beans. I decided not to say anything else unless he asked.

And he asked. "He needed your help with what?"

"With saving you. You know, from your life of insane partying and diseased women."

He stared at me for a long time. Then he started to cough, slowly and steadily. The cough transformed into a wheeze and then to an evil cackle. His shoulders raked as he laughed and I never felt more stupid in my life. When he was finished he looked at me with scorn. "Will wonders never cease? My father, Tony McCain, the number one man-whore on the planet employed your services -- you, Vee-Jay, to correct my philanderous lifestyle. Wow."

I was offended by the manner he spoke of me. "Even if I understand your sentiments about your dad, what's so unbelievable about me being the tool he decides to use?"

"You think I don't know about everything you did back then?" he asked.

I had no clue what he was talking about. "What did I do?"

"You know what, I'm not at all surprised by you. I'm not. But all I ask is that you let me be. Let me live my life!"

"This doesn't make any single sense to me. How am I preventing you from living your life? You carried that nasty lifestyle of yours all the way to this dumb honeymoon without the slightest respect for me or this marriage, even though it's not real. You're the one having a swell time in this vacation, with new females every night gracing your bed. I'm the one who has to pretend not to hear your moans of pleasure. And somehow I'm the one frustrating you. Some nerve you've got, Raymond Thayer McCain."

He laughed so hard like I just made a really funny joke, and I felt even more stupid. "So, Vee-Jay, do I take it that you were aroused by me and my female friends? Why don't you join us then? There's always space for one more." There was an evil grin on his face and it took everything in me not to slap it off.

"You must have experienced delayed growth and developmental milestones, dear husband. What is this, high school? Threesomes and such no longer entice me. Been there, done that." Even I was shocked at how far I stretched the lie without giving anything away.

He looked like he believed every word I said. "Of course, Lady Growth-Spurt. I'm sure people of your age grade bore you stiff and make your pussy dry and impenetrable. You must prefer older men, don't you?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. They're more mature and don't have time for the sort of foolishness you display." I said and waved him away from my room. I couldn't listen to anything else he had to say.