The McCain Marriage Contract

"I'm done, Dad," Raymond said the second he walked into my study. He flung a paper on my table and, without looking at it, I knew it was his copy of the marriage contract.

A plan I thought was fail-proof was beginning to crumble before my eyes. With the look on Raymond's face, it was obvious that he didn't come to negotiate, but I decided to try again. "You do know the consequences of rescinding this contract prematurely," I said, not sounding as troubled as I truly was. "Have you thought this through, Raymond?"

"Oh, I've thought everything through, Dad. And you should be grateful I did, otherwise you would have endless regrets. But you know what? I'm no longer interested in ruining you. I'm not interested in you at all. From here on out, I have no connection whatsoever to you. You're no longer my father!" he screamed.

My biggest fear had materialized and stared me in the face. "What are you on about Raymond?" I asked quietly.

"I'm on about how much of an evil person you are to your very core, and somehow I have to put up with all these years. I'm on about how you helped to break my heart with whatever unnatural relationship you had with Valerie. I'm on about how you messed up our family because of some stupid college crush. And, lest I forget, I'm also on about how you tried to rope me into a marriage with Valerie, perhaps as the closest thing to what you wanted with Elizabeth... God, you're so sick, do you know that?"

I closed my eyes for a brief second and let his words play in my head. He had it all wrong, or at least most of it. For a person the world considered intelligent, I had made really stupid decisions in my personal life. "You don't know what you're talking about, Raymond," I said simply. "You don't know the entire story."

"Maybe I don't, and I honestly don't care. What I do know is that I am done with you. Keep your inheritance, keep your company, keep your name, keep all of your assets. I'm moving to Delaware to stay with mom, something I should have done long ago.

This was more heart wrenching than whatever I'd ever had to go through. "Sit down for a minute Raymond." He did not budge. "Please, son," I pleaded. "Can we just talk for a bit?"

He shook his head vigorously. "I'm sick of your bullshit. I'm leaving now.

In a bid to control everything and everyone, to use them to correct my errors, I had lost them. I was going to die alone and unloved. "At least say goodbye to Valerie before you leave," I managed to say. "She called the other day and just cried throughout. I tried to inform you but you were not taking my calls."

He grimaced like I just said something that churned his insides. "Please do that part for me," I said. "Maybe you guys can kiss and make up and continue whatever disgusting relationship you had."

"What are you talking about, Raymond? She met me for money to start up a new business. I had a feeling that was a lie for but I wanted to give it to her. And remembering what both of you used to have, I decided to use the money as bait to get her married to you. I was always going to give her the money, of course, but I wanted to play cupid. I didn't want you to miss out on the one true love of your life like I did."

"All of that is on you and you alone," I said. "You made the decision to go for mom instead of Elizabeth. You don't get to make such decisions in other people's lives."

I sighed deeply, as I remembered all that happened. It was just like yesterday. "I was only looking out for my friend, J. J.," I said placing my hands over my head. "Elizabeth was the very first person he ever developed an interest in, after years and years of trying to get him into a relationship. She was his very first and only love. And seeing that it might be the only shot my friend would ever have at love, I decided to back off and let him have her."

He seemed amused. "So the devil had a heart. Besides what's to prove that you're telling me the truth now?"

"I deserve that, considering I've never really been honest to you. But it's the truth. Even J. J. did not know about the feelings I had for her. Maybe later he figured it out, but I didn't tell him because he would never have let me do what I did. Before the day J. J. and I saw the ladies together, I had caught a glimpse of Elizabeth once in one of the cafeterias on campus. It was just for a brief moment but our eyes met. I felt a spark instantly but then I was shy to make a move; she seemed out of my league. I didn't see her again until the day J. J. and I saw her with Amelia, and from a distance he called dibs on Elizabeth. It was so beautiful, miraculous even, watching my friend finally pick interest in someone and I felt duty-bound to support him. Supporting him meant relinquishing my own chance at true love," I explained.

Raymond clapped his hands repeatedly in mock respect. "How generous of you! And you made mom suffer the consequences of your kindheartedness."

I felt the first teardrop hit my cheek but I continued talking. "That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Amelia deserved a lot better than me."

"Damn right, she did," he said, his eyes looking angry all over again. "But even worse than that was your dirty behavior with Valerie. You lied that she was the one trying to seduce you and all, that you were not interested in anything. And yet I kept finding her items in your drawers. Did she force those on you, too? She was just a teenager, dad," he said and rapped his hand on the table for effect. "A mere child. You know, just when I think you cannot go any lower, you unlock a whole new level."

"I behaved abominably, son. And I don't know if you can ever forgive me. Valerie was almost always in our house, like you know, and she often left some of her stuff behind. The items you may have found -- the scrunchies and the scarf -- I kept them there. I loved the lingering Lavender scent on them, from her shampoo. That was the same shampoo Elizabeth used, the few times I came close enough to catch a whiff of her hair. I kept them to remind me of Elizabeth, not Valerie." "Goddamnit!" he cursed under his breath.

"I have always loved Valerie like she were my own child, especially because she looks so much like the woman I could not have. I showered her with the attention I would have given to Elizabeth, but that was as far as it went. Nothing illegal went on between us. I would never do that, Raymond."

"I'm just supposed to believe that because you say so?" Raymond sneered.

"I cannot make you believe anything," I said simply. "All I can do is tell you the truth. I have nothing left to lose. That night you saw us, I was drunk. I downed so much alcohol after Amelia left because I was alone and scared. I came into your room to talk to you, and I saw her lying there, in deep sleep. Without thinking I moved closer to Elizabeth, trying to hold her and have her comfort me. Then you came in and yelled at me and that was when I realized that she was Valerie, not Elizabeth. Whatever the case I was way too ashamed of myself and I may have mumbled something stupid just to save my own skin. I already felt like a total failure: I had failed you and Amelia.

And I felt ashamed that I still harbored such feelings towards my best friend's wife. Guilt ate up my insides and I knew could never face J. J. again. That was why we left the way we did." Raymond stared at me in stunned silence, mouth agape and eyes almost popping out of their sockets. This was a lot more than he bargained for but I wasn't done talking.

"My entire life was messed up because I failed at love. It might not make sense to you but I'm sure I would have done things a lot differently and made better decisions if I had stuck with the woman I loved. I didn't want my son to make the same mistake I did. And I knew that I had robbed you of nine years of happiness so when Valerie showed up at my office, I felt like that was my second chance. I was too embarrassed to approach either of you and explain the role I played in your enmity and so I tried to fix things my own way. That marriage contract aimed to get you to rediscover love for yourselves. It was a desperate move on my part in a bid to prevent history from repeating itself. I was wrong but what I did, I did with the best of intentions."

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. I had kept all of this inside of me for a very long time. I wasn't sure how much longer I would live since Raymond was sure to disown me but telling him the truth was the right thing to do. It was the very least he deserved.

Raymond just stood there, looking at me for a long time. I wondered what was going on in his head. I wondered if I had truly lost him for good.

"Valerie needed the money to take care of her dad. He's at the Chaim Memorial Stroke Center." With that, he strode out. And I was sure that was the last time I would see my son.